HOLI-DATING
Bringing Your New S/O Home For The Holidays?
A friend of mine recently couldn’t figure out if he had a date for the holidays.
“Is it too weird to invite her?” he asked, “I don’t want to be stuck with my family.”
“I reckon neither does she,” I responded.
It sounds odd, but it’s not the first time someone’s inquired about the status of their no-man’s-land relationship. Maybe not in those exact words, but the sentiment is always the same: How to know when you’re exclusive?
With the jargon of vague terms to describe relationships, it’s even hair-pulling trying to figure out when a love interest isn’t just breadcrumbing you; nonetheless, be sure it won’t be ill-received to suggest meeting the family. If they haven’t met your friends, then it’s too early for Mom to be passing them the mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving.
Labeling a relationship official is especially tricky in New York, where males and females alike flirt with one eye towards the door. You know, just in case someone better walks into the bar. The Big Apple is all about opportunity, so singles are naturally terrified of settling.
COVID-19 might have simplified the process of making plans down to movie nights at home, but it didn’t facilitate dating. It turns out fuck boys are not vulnerable to the virus, and women are still swiping right because they are bored.
When you guys hang out, do your plans always involve sex? Now that gatherings and events revolve around #throwbackthursday, are you still seeing them frequently enough to hang? Now more than ever will determine how much you both enjoy each other’s company. Do they include you in their personal life, hobbies, work decisions, etc.? Or share private information (yes, secrets!)? These answers will help place your relationship in the complicated spectrum that begins with a booty call and ends in exclusivity. Casual dating is the ambiguous stuff in between.
Not to mention, the world collectively ran out of excuses to not text back because how often can someone be napping? Ask yourself if cuffing season is, perhaps, inspiring desperation? Unless you’re quarantining together and a positive pregnancy test wouldn’t require going on The Jerry Springer Show, avoid sharing the gift of Covid with family this holiday season.
So let’s assume the best-case scenario. You’ve had sleepovers where the most action that happened was in the movie. You’ve become acquainted and pretended to like all their friends, though now you have an excuse to avoid them, thank God. They’ve even shared their secret coin collection. Fine, it’s ok to invite them.
But do you want to? Returning “home” for the weekend suddenly became like a game of virus roulette, and the best-case scenario could still be two long weeks on your childhood twin size bed. This year is a free pass to cancel tolerating belligerent aunts and uncles and grandparents begging for grandchildren. Ignoring your parents became an act of love.
For Sexpert questions or advice, contact jamievalentino@provokr.com.
