NORM MACDONALD

BY: Lynn Gentry

In early 2008, my roommate helped me land a job at Cobb’s Comedy Club as a door man. During the year I worked there I had the opportunity to see such legends as Robin Williams, Paul Mooney, Charlie Murphy, Dave Chappelle, Damon Wayans, Russell Peters and Russell Brand to name a few. I can still remember my first staff meeting. Our manager called us all into the venue to make the announcement. He said, “guys ABC(Alcohol and Beverage Control) has been on our ass, so we need to be at the top of our game. They surprised the Warfield, they went into the dressing room at the Fillmore, which is a huge no no, so we can only assume that we might be next. So if you are going to smoke or do anything, go into the alley and then come back to work.” My first impulse was to raise my hand to find out if that meant it is ok to be stoned at work, but I figured I’d already been given the answer. Even though I ended up quitting that job, I still think that it was the most fun working environment I’ve ever had.

 

Since I was a kid I had always been a huge fan of comedy. So for the time that I worked there it was magical. It was there that I met Norm McDonald. I can still remember that Larry “Bubbles” Brown opened for him. Then Norm went on and did a set during a period where he played the role of an old man rambling. I had looked forward to this date as I grew up loving Norm McDonald. Being raised in a Christian environment in Southern California, anything that is secular could easily be frowned upon. So watching Dirty Works was like seeing the Sun come through the clouds for the first time.

After his set ended the staff stuck around to hang out at the bar, as we normally did. Then Norm came to sit with us before walking back toward the dressing room with a few members of the door staff trailing behind. Luckily I’d lived in San Francisco long enough to know they were obviously going to smoke weed. So I followed as well knowing there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to smoke weed with Norm McDonald. When I arrived in the dressing room he was sitting on the couch and talking about how he was disgusted by the Bart Police killing Oscar Grant.

 

He then went on to talk about Rodney Dangerfield and how he did cocaine into his 80s and told us a story about when Rodney Dangerfield had a heart attack and ended up sneaking out of the hospital. No one knew where he was until Bob Saget found him hanging out at a bar with two women and Ron Jeremy. Alarmed at the situation Bob said, “Rodney what are you doing here everyone at the Comedy Store has been worried sick about you? We were all making plans to come see you. You’re supposed to be in the hospital.” To which Rodney replied, “The Hospital? What do I need with the hospital? I’m here with two whores and a guy who could suck his own dick.”

Then he talked to us about when he ran away from home around the age of 13 by hopping a train. Once inside the box car, he met a hobo who asked him if he wanted some homemade cookies. He told him no because he’d brought a little bit of money with him, but the man repeatedly asked him. He recalled feeling annoyed that he kept asking him and thought it to be kind of weird, but he brushed it off before taking a nap in the back of the car. Once he’d woke up he realized that he was the only one left in the car, but that the man forgot his cookies. Now that he was actually hungry he decided to eat the cookies before exiting the box car. Later on he saw the man who asked him if he had any of the cookies to which he replied sorry that he’d eaten all of them. To which the man replied, “all of them well! Gee kid those cookies had weed in them?” Norm apologized again, but the man at that point was more concerned with the amount of weed he’d just ingested.

 

The subject then turned to acid. I told him about the time my friend, Brian, asked me to play a gig at People Park in Berkeley, CA. When I arrived with my guitar player, Alex, and girlfriend, Liz, I just saw a few hippies around a dilapidated stage and a few more painting a bus. I then met up with Brian who introduced me to the organizer, Jonah. He came walking up to me with arms wide saying, “Lynn! How are you doing man? You want a Starburst? They’re magical.? I immediately opened the package only to see a Starburst with water paper on it. Jonah then said, “make sure you want it.” To which I thought a Starburst with acid, of course I want it. Thinking that I was on next, I then popped it in my mouth and proceeded to get ready to take the stage. Only to be told by Brian, “wait you’re not on next, Patrick Dyer Wolf is on next, then me, and then you go on.” Though I’d never taken acid before I knew I just majorly fucked up the timing and then the thought hit me that maybe I should have discussed this with Liz. So I then went over to Liz, who had joined in painting the bus, and asked, hey Liz would it be ok if I were to take acid? To which she replied, “You took acid!” To which I replied, wait calm down the question was would it be ok if I took acid? Of course, she was way too smart to be distracted by such wordplay and exclaimed, “I can’t believe you took acid!” Remembering at this point that she’d had a bad experience with her ex on mushrooms I figured I had to keep it together.

So as Alex and I took the stage we began to play, about a song in the acid hit. I remembered looking at the few hippy girls staring at me in front of the pitiful stage. Then I looked off into the distance at the playground and thought why are they looking at me? They don’t even know my music. There are so many more things they could be doing with their days. They could be painting that bus or they could be playing at that playground. I could probably say anything right now and they’d probably keep watching. Then I began to laugh before stepping away from the microphone to tell Alex that it hit. He then shrugged it off, stepped to the microphone and continued playing songs as I stood in the corner of the stage laughing.

Once we left the People’s Park, Liz escorted me back to the Bart as I ripped through the layers of my mind to figure out what was fake and what was real. I then hit a plateau where everything made sense. Back in San Francisco, she asked me if I’d be alright and then we parted ways. She had a Saturday class and I had to go to work at Cobb’s. Walking to work I realized that others’ moods could alter mine so I’d best find a way to make everyone happy. So I stopped at the donut shop to get a dozen donuts for everyone at work. The worker asked me which donuts I wanted to which I asked if anyone had ever asked which donuts he wanted to choose. He told me no, so I told him that he could choose. This act actually made his day and I could see him becoming more creative as he selected each donut. At ten he said there are two more, are you sure you don’t want to choose any? I then said no this is your creation. He smiled and then told me he would add in some extras. With donuts in hand I got to work where everyone burst into excitement knowing that there were donuts. That night for the first time as I sat people in their chairs and no one tried to get me to give them other seats. As I walked them over I would say these are good chairs and would nod. I saw them look at the stage, me and they believed me because I believed it. Of course, the difference was my mind was thinking these are good seats, they have four legs and when you sit on them you won’t fall on the ground.

Norm was stunned that I was able to go to work on Acid and thought it was hilarious. He then told me about his experience on Acid. He and his ex-girlfriend decided to do Acid together. So he went to pick it up before meeting up with her. He then dropped acid on the way to meet her assuming that was the only thing they would be doing that day. Once he arrived, she let him know that they would be having dinner with her parents beforehand and then they would drop acid once they left. Surprised by the change in plans he agreed thinking he would be able to mask it. So he meets the parents and they ask him about himself. So he tries to keep his answers simple, but starts feeling like he is melting. Realizing that he is drooping down in his chair and not wanting to look awkward he decides to stand up and press himself against the wall. As he is talking to her mom he puts all his focus into answering her questions and not slipping to the floor. However, he starts to notice that the wall is starting to push him toward the floor. So he decides to put his leg up to give him leverage and press back, but it keeps pushing him. He presses harder even though the wall keeps pushing so he keeps his body leaning against the wall only to hear a voice yelling, “hey what the hell is going on out there let me out of here?” At that point he looks back and realizes that he’d been leaning against the bathroom door and the dad was now fighting to get out.

I’d only had the privilege of meeting Norm once, but he was a kind and delightful human being who told great stories and was willing to listen to others even if they were just college stoners. Knowing what joy his work has brought to my life, I can definitely say without a doubt he will be missed. So for that young kid lost in a world of repressed conservatism I say watch Dirty Work and when you get the chance to go to People’s Park try the Starburst, they’re magical.