THE VACCINE HUNGER GAMES

BY: Michael Arkin

Whoever muttered the phrase “It’s not worth the paper it’s printed on” was obviously not talking about the Coronavirus vaccination card. Issued by the CDC, the 4×3 piece of white paper has become the Willy Wonka golden ticket du jour, opening doors to overseas travel, sports venues, catered events and most importantly, peace-of-mind. 

After a year of shutdowns inciting financial and emotional breakdowns, science apostles everywhere are counting down to vaccination day. In our “I want it now” culture where instant gratification isn’t fast enough, there’s an emerging mindset: get the vaccine ASAP (or sooner!) and get back to normal (whatever that was).

 

Considering the virus that causes COVID19 wasn’t even identified until January 12, 2020, we’re doing a pretty good job of it. Worldwide public pressure in the intervening 14 months spurred scientists to develop not one, but thirteen vaccines that are approved and licensed for general use. Three of those – Pfizer, Moderna and Johnson & Johnson — have been granted emergency use authorization in the United States of America – the richest, most powerful country in the world – and the leader in COVID-related deaths.

The Coronavirus isn’t the first pandemic to be politicized and, unfortunately, won’t be the last. Regardless of what side of the aisle you’re on, former President Donald Trump deserves at least as much credit as million-dollar donor Dolly Parton for Operation Warp Speed, the public-private partnership founded by the US government to facilitate and expedite development of COVID19 vaccines. 

 

But Trump dropped the ball when it came to developing a vaccine distribution plan to the American people. The largest stockpile in the world is worthless unless you’re injecting the vaccine into people’s arms.

Enter Joe Biden whose get-going strength was focusing his administration’s resources on vaccine availability. He not only lived up to his promise of administering 100 million vaccinations in his first hundred days in office, he exceeded it. To date, more than 161 million Americans have received at least one shot, and 60 million people are fully vaccinated.

 

Of course, healthcare heroes and frontline workers were first to be vaccinated. Followed by residents of long-term care facilities, seniors 65+ and people with pre-existing conditions. But then something happened.

Whenever I logged onto social media, I saw photos of younger friends getting their shots. What’s wrong with him? I wondered when I saw a young acquaintance flashing the victory sign as if he has just won one of the triathlons he’s always running. And what’s with her? I asked when I saw my ex-trainer, all taut muscles and smiles, giving a thumbs up as a latex-gloved hand jabbed her well-defined deltoid. Even the twenty-something pizza delivery boy (now considered an essential food service professional), proudly displayed his band-aid adorned arm. All of this line jumping was driving me crazy! 

While recreational tourism has hit the skids, ‘vaccine tourism’ took off. Well-heeled vaccination-seekers chartered flights to Florida where Governor Ron DeSantis openly invited people over 65 to come on down to the Sunshine State where verification of residency is not required for vaccination. Those who can’t afford private travel are volunteering at Meals on Wheels in order to qualify as food workers. In Beverly Hills, one well known doctor told Variety that his practice has been “offered in excess of $10,000 by individuals, including members of the entertainment industry, desperate to get vaccinated.”  

 

At the same time, social media was flooded with pictures of celebrities brandishing CDC cards like Olympic medals. Many of the familiar faces featured in Entertainment Weekly ‘s spread on vaccinated celebrities included the eligible — Dolly Parton, Patrick Stewart and Willie Nelson – sharing the page with the vaccinated underaged Ryan Reynolds (44), his wife, Blake Lively (33), Jessica Chastain (44), and Amy Schumer (39) to name just a few. (Note that each state has its own vaccine prioritization guidelines and everyone, even movie stars, has the right to privacy when it comes to medical conditions that might entitle them to early inoculation.)

 

Whatever the motivation to bare arms, stars do inspire the public to get vaccinated. In 1956 Elvis Presley was recruited to convince reluctant teenagers to get the polio vaccine.  With one injection, Presley became the king of rock and roll up your sleeves. 

 

This mere mortal must have tried every outlet in Southern California trying to obtain a shot. I called my doctors, my county health offices, and my local city hall. I checked with my local pharmacy every afternoon at 5:30 PM for leftover doses. I logged onto vaccination sites at 3AM, and got excited when I made it past the first screen, but by the time I filled out the personal information form and listed my pre-existing conditions (does neurotic hypochondria qualify?), there weren’t any vaccines left. Suddenly trying to get the vaccine was like competing in the Hunger Games and with the American death toll exceeding 550,000, I was feeling more like Katniss Everdeen every day.

My quest for a CDC card of my own was finally realized when I got an appointment at my local supermarket. Talk about a win/win, they even gave me a coupon for $10 off anything in the store. Armed with my vaccination card and a bag of groceries, I was ready to take on the world and throw a dinner party for my fellow-inoculated friends. However, there were new ground rules: nobody shook hands or greeted each other with a kiss or tasted another friend’s drink or double-dipped their chip in the guacamole. But there were new conversation starters: “When and where did you get your shot?” “Which one did you get?” “Did you have any side effects?” “Did you know that Kripsy Kreme is offering free glazed donuts to anyone with a CDC card and that Office Depot will laminate your card for free?” 

 

Another reason to raise your glass: President Biden announced that by April 19th, every adult in the country will be eligible for a vaccine. Whether or not they take the offer is up to them. The Vaccination Hunger Games may seem like it’s coming to an end, but we’re not out of the woods. A fourth surge has begun to spread in Michigan. In other words, says Michael Osterholm, of the University of Minnesota’s Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy “We will see in the next two weeks, the highest number of cases reported globally since the beginning of the pandemic. We really are in a category 5 hurricane status…in terms of the US, we’re just at the beginning of this surge.”

In other words, we’re in for a Vaccination Hunger Games sequel.

Copyright 2021 by Michael Arkin. All rights reserved.