CLITICAL THINKING
A New Film Looks At The Dilemma of Desire
“A girl’s sexual life begins with the lie of omission,” director Maria Finitzo says, explaining the premise of her new documentary, The Dilemma of Desire. “Women’s sexual desire is as strong as men’s but unlike men, they are told lies about their sexual drives in order to reinforce the social constructs that keep the patriarchy in place.”
The patriarchy that Finitzo, a two-time Peabody award-winner, refers to is the male-dominated hierarchy that has dictated both cultural and moral codes since the beginning of civilization. “Women are not empowered to act on their sexual desire the way men are and that makes the world a much more dangerous place for them.”
The documentary follows four women: a conceptual artist, two scientists and an industrial designer, who are using their work to talk truth to the patriarchy, and five “everywomen” whom the filmmakers followed over two years. Says producer Diane Quon, whose Minding the Gap was nominated for an Academy Award, “We didn’t just want experts telling us what women feel, we wanted to have real women talking about it.”
So, what’s holding women back from breaking this age-old pattern of oppression? For the filmmakers, it is the denial of the clitoris. Yes, the clitoris. The organ, which was damned “The Devil’s Teat” and “The Woman’s Shameful Member” during the Renaissance and the site of the “immature orgasm” by Sigmund Freud, was studied by Princess Marie Bonaparte long before being erased from the formidable reference book, Gray’s Anatomy in 1948. It had never even been dissected in modern medical times until Australian urologist Helen O’Connell took up her scalpel in 1998 and determined that it is an external and internal organ that has two to three times more nerves endings than the penis.
With women accounting for 49.6% of the world’s population, you may wonder how such oppression is not only possible, but sustainable. The answer is complex and one that the filmmaking team, which also includes Cynthia Kane (Inside Obama’s White House), explains in one word – shame.
“There are all kinds of derogatory words for female body parts but there’s not one for the clitoris and that’s because as a society we have imbued it with shame, embarrassment, disgust…it’s dirty, it’s pornographic. Why make up disgusting words for an organ we’ve always labeled as such?” Finitzo asks. “Women can’t say clitoris or discuss what it’s for. People are afraid of women becoming sexually empowered so their pleasure is left out of the conversation. If a woman knows what she wants and what she deserves she probably won’t settle for a guy half-assing his way through their sexual encounter.” Which, according to a study conducted by The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, is the norm, not the exception.
The study showed that only 18.4% of women were able to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone while 36.6% reported that clitoral stimulation was necessary. With statistics like that, you have to ask why women aren’t speaking up and demanding pleasure. Finitzo maintains, “Girls live in their bodies but don’t know their bodies and aren’t allowed to consider their capacity for sexual pleasure. The church tells them they can’t, and who does the church hold up to women? The Virgin Mary”.
Producer Diane Quon asks, “If we don’t look at a woman as an equal partner in the bedroom what does that mean for all other areas of life?” Her fellow producer, Ms. Kane, adds, “If women took their libidos as seriously as men, the world would work very differently.”
To complete post-production in time for 2020’s film festival circuit, the filmmakers, have mounted a Kickstarter campaign. Beyond shedding light on the so-called Dilemma of Desire, they’re determined to spark a conversation about women’s equality beyond the sexual arena. Finitzo points out, “When you don’t feel entitled to ask for something that’s a basic human function, how can you feel comfortable asking for equal pay in a job or ask that your voice be heard in other ways or demand to be treated with respect?”
While some documentaries are both critical and financial successes, the average gross for the genre is in under $900,000. So how will director Maria Finitzo gauge the film’s impact? “I’ll consider myself successful when every thirteen-year-old girl entering her freshman year of high school knows she has a clitoris, what it looks like—and what it’s for.”
Follow this link to view the film’s Kickstarter video: https://vimeo.com/325699154 and this one to donate to the Kickstarter effort: Kickstarter